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What to do if you are having second thoughts


Talk it over

Before you make any irrational decisions you should firstly share your concerns with a close friend or family member – anyone who knows you well and who you can trust. If your concerns are still not resolved after their intent listening and advice then you need to communicate your worries with your partner. If you resolve that you don’t want to continue with the wedding then choose your words wisely and let your partner down gently. Prepare yourself for their reaction, as it’s probably not going to be pretty. But don’t under any circumstance leave it until the day of the wedding to tell your partner.

Be honest with yourself

Many people can get swept up in the romance of a proposal and wedding planning without taking a second to stop, reflect and ask themselves; ‘is this what I really want?’ Be honest with yourself and your partner and talk about exactly how you feel. Are you simply nervous about how the day will go or do your concerns reach further and reflect on your fears of commitment and marriage? After all, marriage isn’t for everyone and you need to ensure you are positive it’s for you before you make what could be the biggest mistake of your life.

Get advice

You may be feeling irrational because of the nerves, so it’s vital you seek sound advice from someone you trust. Don’t go making rash decisions based on your anxieties, as you may regret it later. If you don’t think your family will be able to provide you with advice then consider counseling. They will be able to give you professional guidance based on their experience with other couples in the same position. This might just give you the confidence you need to go with your gut instinct and make the right decision.


Being in a long term relationship can sometimes cloud the reasons you love someone – you get so used to being with them you may have forgotten what it is that attracted you to them in the first place. Your reasons for wanting to marry should be based on true love, commitment and the wish to look after that person forever more. However, many couples feel that marriage is simply the next step they ‘should’ take. Make sure you’re marrying for the right reasons in the first place to hopefully avoid cold feet altogether.

Time out

Weddings demand so much of your time and dedication; all that planning and consideration can take their toll on your relationship. After months of this you may feel you have drifted apart which can put strain on your relationship. Have a break from wedding planning and instead spend time with your partner. Also, take time for yourself; book a spa treatment or have a long bubble bath to get away from it all – you’re probably exhausted from all the planning and nerves which may be the reason you’re having second thoughts.

Take action

If it turns out to be more than cold feet then you need to take action quickly; the sooner the better. The longer you drag it out for the harder it will be to face your fears and you can’t string people along. If you are serious about calling off your wedding then you need to cancel all of the plans; the caterers, the venue, the band – everything you have booked so far. Then comes the hard part – spreading the news to all of your guests.


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