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Whose Mother’s Day Is It?

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Is Mother’s Day typically only for the mother in a “nuclear family” which consists of a mother, father and children? And is the idea of motherhood exclusively belongsto a birth mother or biological mom only?

How about those single mothers?A full-time job with no husband or partner to help them out, single moms must be superheroes or something, and yet, I don’t understand why they are rarely noticed, unappreciated and being vilified in our culture when they should be given a “Dakilang Ina” award.

How about the lesbian mom’s, foster mother, custodial moms, mother-in-law and adoptive mother? Non-biological by relationship, and yet, we see them exercise motherhood with much passion, joy, and patience towards the child.

How about a surrogate mother? Whether done for financial gain or otherwise, don’t they also deserve our special recognition for the sacrifices they made just to give joy to a mother and her family because they can’t biologically procreate?

How about the stepmothers? A woman that continue to love a child despite being repeatedly stabbed at the backed. Understand a step parent is so much more than just a parent; they made a choice to love when they didn’t have to. A stepmother’s love is selfless and they take jabs due to assumptions and misconceptions of being casted as wicked and a villain.

How about the“yaya’s” or caregiver’s, an au pair, nanny or nurse maid who for some reasons the biological mother has literally ceded or delegated motherhood to them? Doesn’t this smack of being irresponsible and insensitive as a mother whose priority in life is other than their children?

How about those biological mothers who have abandoned their children or her family for that matter for another man? Do they equally deserved to be honored with a greeting, or more so, the recognition and sentiment of a mother?

How about those mothers who were and are being subjected to battery and abused by their husband and/or children? There are millions of mothers in this category who are suffering in silence. Don’t they too deserve not only our sympathy and support but also the highest honor from all of usfor the emotional stress, trauma and physical pain that they are going through?

How about those women who without a choice,or due to force and unforce circumstances, are parenting without a partner? Women who bore a child due to “accident” (disgrasyada), raped,who got impregnated as a result of incest, adulterous affair or shot-gunned into marriage, for example. Because of their admirable courage in fighting ignominy, don’t they also deservea Happy Mother’s Day from us?

How about those so called “martyred mothers”who are being subjected to abuse by their husband or partner, and yet, for the sake of their children they won’t part ways with them and their family? Women who have undergone, and is still undergoing,physical [i.e., this include threats, isolation, and intimidation], psychological, emotional, mental, financial, economic, verbal, and sexual abuse/s? Don’t they equally share the highest special award this Mother’s Day as well?

How about those mothers who are engaged in prostitution just to support their children, their husband or partner, and the family in general? Are we going to vilify, ostracize and criticize them as a bad mother or as a woman of ill-repute, andhence, we won’t give them the special honor this Mother’s Day? Are they non-deserving of our compliments simply because of the indignity they have given to their children?

A mother’s pregnancy – carrying a baby in her womb for nine months and the umbilical cord that ties her with her child; and then abandoned her child after birthby walking out of the family for someone else, negligently and recklessly raising her child, surrendered her child for adoption, orhas subjected her child to different forms of abuses, including notably corporal punishment, would they be considered a mother deserving of our Happy Mother’s Day greeting? Me thinks, giving birth doesn’t make one a Mother; it’s the time, sacrifice, patience and unconditional love that you give to your child that gives you the right to call yourself a MOTHER.

Understand the word “Mother” means to nurture, protect, care for, nurse or tend. It doesn’t just mean “a woman in relation to a child to whom she has given birth.” Mother’s Day is for anyone who has mothered someone and for anyone who has carried a child, whether that applies to biological mothers, adoptive mothers, stepmothers, foster mothers, care providers, child minders, mothers who’ve lost a child, single mothers, single dads, grandmothers, widow, aunties, sisters or close friends.

With that being said,deserving of the honor, recognition,empathy, sentiment and the greetings are the mothers who have indeed and in fact exercised motherhood to their children; and not those birth mothers who are selfish,callous and irresponsible; and those who have physically, psychologically, emotionally and sexually abuse their children. As they said, anyone canhave a child and be a mother but it takes motherhood for one to qualify to be mom, mommy or mama, and thereby, deserving of this world-wide celebration and international day of recognition of Mother’s Day.

But above all, the recognition of Mother’s Day should also equally be shared and celebrated to all of our super moms i.e., the single moms, stepmothers, grandmothers, widows, foster mom, adoptive mom, surrogate mom, caregivers, nannies, mother in law, and the abused and battered moms. To me, they are super heroes because despite the odds and the culture of misconceptions and ridicules, and yet, tough as a cookie,they were able to raise their children or the child impressively well with gravitas.

Finally, to the fathers, husbands or partners who have subjected their wife or partner to abused or who have abandoned them and their children for someone else, please don’t get hypocritical on this day by greeting them Happy Mother’s Day, or to gift them with jewelry, chocolates and roses, to give them a card, or to tender them with a special dinner. On the other hand, this should be a shameful day for you. An annual reminder that you failed your wife or your partner,your children,and your family in general. If there is a national day for Irresponsible, Insensitiveand Abusive Father’s Day, I say you truly deserve this kind of award.  (Y.A. Joey Tugung)

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