Saturday, 26 March 2011 15:20
Janet loved seeing the Russian painting exhibit with John; John thought the bicycle ride after the museum visit made for the best first date he’d ever had. She liked him, and he liked her. And both of them wanted to go out again. So why did they put themselves through the agony of waiting a few days to call and follow up with a second-date request? Well, most of us don’t want to expose our feelings before the other party does. It’s uncomfortable to be vulnerable — and what if we get rejected?
If you’ve ever been in this situation — and we bet you have — let me help. I wrote the book Lucky in Love: 52 Fabulous, Foolproof Flirting Strategies for Every Week of the Year, and I have some advice for you. Here are my four favorite ways to make it clear you’ve had a blast and would be game for another go.
1. Review the high points of your time together
Make a statement that expresses how much fun you had and also that you’re impressed by your date’s unique qualities, like: “Game night was a real hoot. I’m so glad you invited me. You’re really a pro at backgammon!” or “Remember when the rowboat had to go under that low bridge? You certainly know how to steer!” Comments like these will reassure your date that you like him or her and provide the perfect opportunity to plan a follow-up.
2. Check your calendar
So you’ve discovered that you both enjoy classic films, Southern rock or deep-sea fishing. If you know of some big event coming up that would be of interest, extend an invitation. “Would you be interested in going to the boat show next weekend? I was about to order tickets.” (Note: If you wind up not being able to get tickets after you’ve said this, explain the “sold out” status and ask if your date would be interested in meeting up anyway for brunch.)
3. Deploy the flirty handshake
Many singles have trouble with “the close.” The close is that precious moment at the end of a date where you must do something. Going for a kiss — especially if you’re not sure how you two connected or if that’s too bold a move for your date — can be intimidating, but if you get nervous and just shake hands, it can seem like a kiss-off. If you are interested in a second date, the flirting handshake works like a charm: It’s not too scary or too brusque for anyone! You shake hands, smile, nod, make eye contact and then add an all-important hand-over-hand motion. You squeeze your date’s hand tenderly, then — with your other hand — stroke his or her hand with several short movements from the wrist to the fingertips. Hold on to his or her hand gently, seductively, a little longer than normal. The flirting handshake says, “I loved our time together and would love to see you again.” It is an invitation to call — or move in for a kiss.
4. Take a risk by speaking your mind
Say something. Do something. This is my favorite suggestion, and I’ve saved it for last: Be honest and say what you feel. (No, not, “I think you’re so handsome I can totally see having your babies!”) Say you enjoyed the date or that you had a lot of fun and hope to get together again. Simple? Yes. Scary? A bit. But this tactic is low-pressure enough that even if he or she isn’t interested, the other person will smile and say something nice. And if your date is definitely feeling the same way, you’ll find out and walk away with plans for a second date. And isn’t that worth the risk?
(Susan Rabin is author of Lucky in Love: 52 Fabulous, Foolproof Flirting Strategies for Every Week of the Year.)
By Susan Rabin
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