Tuesday, 30 August 2011 00:00
Guys want genuine women in their lives. They want to know who you are and what you’re about right from the start. Women don’t want their guy to change mid-relationship, and guys want the same thing from a partner. Knowing this, I’ve compiled a list of the top nine things that my male listeners and readers feel should never, ever be fake about you:
1. Sharing your man’s interests
Often, women will feign interest in activities that they would never normally do in order to get to the first date with a man and to keep things moving along once they’re seeing each other. Don’t go crazy for his favorite football team, develop a love of white water rafting or suddenly crave Ethiopian food if those things simply are not true to your character. He will eventually see through it or be greatly disappointed when he didn’t get the outdoorsy woman that he always dreamed of once you grow tired of it. A man would rather you admit early on that you’d try something new just for his sake than to act like you absolutely love something that you have totally hated all your life.
2. Friendships with other men
Do not act like your guy friends are purely platonic when you’ve actually dated (or hooked up) in the past with some of them. Guys understand that you can be friends after the romance ends, but they really want to know whether or not Bill, who you have lunch with every day, is simply a work buddy or a former flame. Your boyfriend doesn’t want another guy knowing intimate details about you without his knowledge. Being honest about this area of your life is key in how he chooses to interact with them and whether or not he’ll accept your friendships with these men.
3. What you want out of the relationship
Be clear about what you want out of love. Do not tell him that you want something casual when you know that you have already planned the wedding out in your head. Don’t say you want to settle down when you are juggling 10 other guys on the side. He wants to know what the goal is in your dating game so that he can decide whether or not to continue playing along. Also, easing into a relationship doesn’t guarantee that you will be able get something deeper going down the road with him if you change your mind.
4. Your opinion on his circle of friends
Do not act as though you like his friends and family when you really don’t. Men have been caught in this trap many times by believing their woman was comfortable around — and even enjoyed spending time with — their inner circle, only to find out months later that she was actually miserable. He would much prefer that you were honest about which people you enjoy being around and which ones you don’t care for. Many relationships are lost when an annoying friend or family member is always around. Let him know your true feelings about his circle so that he can make adjustments to make you more comfortable.
5. Your overall look
Men love a beautiful woman, whether she’s all natural or full-on glam. However, most feel that you should be just as stunning at 6 a.m. as you were the previous night out at dinner. Men get the magic of makeup, heels and even Spanx — but they want the “natural” you to be just as captivating. Plus, they want you to be just as confident and sexy without all those props as you are with them.
6. What goals you’d like to achieve in the future
Don’t approach him as a high-powered career girl and then, once you move in together or get married, decide to quit working to stay home all the time. Men like to feel that they know what type of partner you will be down the road, and if you are secretly hiding a passion to work abroad, become a soccer mom, or dig into a few more degrees, he needs to know this so that he can make a more informed decision about your overall relationship compatibility. The truth is, he has a picture of the “ideal” family life in his mind — just like you do.
7. Your desires in the bedroom
Some women pull out all of the “big guns” in the bedroom early in the relationship only to cool things down once a man’s hooked. Men feel that the way a relationship starts out sexually is where it should stay, and if you are playing around and pretending to be something you’re really not in order to get a ring, he will be devastated. Be your true self in the bedroom and you’ll have a better chance of building a sustainable relationship.
8. What you find attractive about him
Why are you interested? Why are you there? If you’re interested in him only because he is a fabulous lover, tell him that. If you are only interested in him because he is powerful and successful, be honest about that, too. Most men (like women) know their strong points and their weaknesses. He’ll know what really see in him and will be greatly surprised if your actions and words line up with his thoughts. Bottom line, he wants to know what attracted you in the first place so that he can maintain it and keep you interested over time.
9. Your romantic history
Be clear about your past relationships and love history. He wants to know who he should be on the lookout for, who hurt you the most, which one is “the one that got away” and who you still have to deal with regularly because of things like kids, a job or a family member. Men do not want to be surprised by your past lovers, and they also want to try to avoid doing the things that let you down or hurt you in the past with other men.
(LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, radio personality and the author of TEASE: Steamy Short Stories. Learn more at www.ladawnblack.com.)
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