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Jalosjoses vs Latinos?


With rumors and whispers spreading around like a raging bush fire that one of the Jolosjoses will be fielded by the opposition bloc to topple down the political bastion long held impregnably by the triumvirate of this newly converted “Asia’s Latin City,” I am betting my bottom dollar that this particular Jalosjos, our orphaned and god-fatherless Greek ducklings are bragging about, will surely meet his waterloo in the Roman political coliseum.

I was told that one overly eager town crier spilled the beans too soon. Who cares? So what? Is there reason to be disturbed or wary about? Absolutely none! Let the beans be scattered all over “Asia’s Latin City.”

I suspect this grapevine political shocker must have been the goodwill handiwork of an extremely excited and receptive group which unintentionally led to the leak in the dike. But that’s perfectly all right! In Latin “Mas claro, mas decente.” Correct me if my Latin is Chabacano. Anyway it’s just the same banana according to our noted local language experts. So, there’s nothing to be ashamed about. Nada!    

While it is true that the Jolosjoses have already succeeded in expanding their political domain with the fall of Zamboanga Sibugay Province during the May 11, 2010 national and local elections, there is absolutely no guarantee that this overwhelmingly powerful dynasty from Zamboanga del Norte will duplicate their political victory in this massively fortified and formidably entrenched imperial territory solidly controlled by the Latin triumvirate. This Latin political trinity is supremely influential leaders of “Asia’s  Latin City,”  so powerful in fact and in truth that they can change the entire history, culture, and anthropological classification of the inhabitants any which way they want without the slightest voice of dissent from anyone. So authoritative, too, that they can make people believe that Chabacano is Latin and Latin is Chabacano just by virtue of derivatives. Thus, the most beautiful, cherished, legendary, and historical sobriquet of Zamboanga, “City of Flowers,” was changed to the colonial “Asia’s Latin City” first by administrative pronouncement and shortly after legally upheld by the Sangguniang Panlungsod with the whirl-wind passage of CCR # 760 about three years ago. From my own view point, this was the 2nd Conquest of Zamboanga by the Spaniards, not by sword, but by Law, this time through the SENATUS PUPULOSQUE ROMANUS (SPQR). How about that?

So there’s really nothing to be afraid of. No need to discourage them to expand their political dominion by trying to twist their words and make it appear that the Jalosjoses in general are not interested in seeking political fortunes in “Asia’s Latin City.” It only makes the obvious a hundred times more obvious that the Latin triumvirate is scared to death by the imminent homecoming of the Jolosjoses. Let’s just prepare our praetorian army and make sure to seal off any entry point. By so doing we will be assured of landslide victory in the coming polls against any of the Jalosjoses. Let’s just keep cool, Latinos! Remember fear is the worst enemy in any battlefield. So we should never let any of the Jolosjoses sense our fear.

Confidently, I can vouch that aside from the noble Latin bloodline of these 2lst Century colossi of Rome are master strategists, tacticians, and equipped with the most advanced and sophisticated political machinery, propaganda networks, and legions and legions of supporters which could fill a coliseum of any size at a drop the hat. In fact, not one of these Latin incumbent politicians takes the rumored candidacy of any of the Jolosjoses for Mayoralty or any of the two Congressional seats in the forthcoming 2013 mid-term elections seriously. These election-tested, unbeatable, undefeated, and invincible political gladiators of Asia’s Latin City are just shrugging off their shoulders and laughing off the impeding political entry of the Jolosjoses. Who are the Jolosjoses, anyway? Are they pure Latins? Do they know the term, ”QUO VADIS?” Do their names ring a bell?  Nary a whisper! NADA! So why are we so apparently scared?   

It might interest some to know that when I told one of the outspoken supporters of the Jalosjoses, who I accidentally met in one of the modest restaurants hereabouts, that it is extremely difficult for any of the Jolosjoses to establish even just a political beachhead in this Latin controlled territory, he just satirically smiled and said disagreeably, ”You don’t have any idea about the Jolosjoses as master and shrewd political titans. Once they decide to take on an adversary, they’ll go for broke whatever are the rules, odds, and stakes. They’ll square off with any Roman political gladiator worth his salt and will surely take him down even in his own coliseum.” He snatched my bottom dollar and said, “I’ll take your bet and triple it if you win.” Then he suddenly stood up but before he left, he boldly gave me something to really think about, “Remember, the Jolosjoles have no track record of political defeats. Put that in your head, bird brained! And remember also, this is going to be an electoral smack down between a Genuine Zamboangueño and a Latino! He may not know a word of Latin, but he speaks verdadero Chabacano while he proudly promotes and very highly respects all the indigenous dialects such as Cebuano, Subanon, Sama, Tausog, Yakan, etc. He gives high premium on indigenous cultural heritage.”

I was shocked and tongue-tied for what seemed like eternity. Silently like an embarrassed Maya, I struggled agonizingly to answer, “Let’s see about that!” Then I asked myself, “Do I really know anything about the Jalosjoses as politicians?” NADA! Frankly, I always fear the unknown. In my mind however, I tried to calm down myself and said, ”Whatever you say, I still hope my bottom dollar to triple.” Will it or is it just a pie in the sky? Or a pipe dream of mine? Then fear started to massively invade my spine.

By Clem M. Bascar

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